


It’s not the end of the world, it’s just the end of us.

by Xenia



Series: multifandom writing challenge [1]
Category: Angel: the Series
Genre: Feelings Realization, Light Angst, M/M, Unhappy Ending, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-08
Updated: 2021-02-08
Packaged: 2021-03-14 07:53:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 828
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29292429
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Xenia/pseuds/Xenia
Summary: It took and Apocalypse to make Spike see what should have been clear all along.
Relationships: Angel/Spike (BtVS)
Series: multifandom writing challenge [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2151261
Kudos: 10
Collections: Fandoms Challenge 2021





	It’s not the end of the world, it’s just the end of us.

**Author's Note:**

> I haven’t watched the show in a while so this is based on the confused memories I have of it.

Taking down one of the most evil organization in the world was noble, doing it without a real plan was stupid. And obviously Angel had taken the stupid route.

He had sent his friend to kill important members of Wolfram and Hart but didn’t have a plan to effectively face the predictably deadly reaction the remaining partners would have.

So now they found themselves facing and apocalypse, that they had triggered, without a real plan and with the odds firmly against them.

So now Angel and his team were fighting as seemingly never ending army of demons and it was only four of them.

Weasley was dead, and so was Lindsey and Lorne had left. As far as the remaining four of them were concerned Gunn was mortally wounded, while Angel, Illyria and Spike were exhausted and dangerously close to the end of their rope.

Then as suddenly as it had began, everything stopped. The intense chaos was replaced by an eerily silence, there were no more demons, no more magic, nothing.

Spike looked around and saw that they were all still standing, even Gunn. They were all hurt and bleeding, some closer to death than others, but they were all still standing.

Looking at Angel in that moment Spike had an illumination. He suddenly understood why he had agreed to participate in that suicidal mission, that it had turned out to be not so suicidal.

It was Angel, it had always been Angel. Everything he had done in his centuries long life had been for him. Not for Dru who had sired him, it has all been for Angel.

Angelus had been his role model, someone he aspired to be like. Angelus had taught him how to torture and kills his victims.

When he had killed the family and the whole tribe of the giosy who had cursed Angelus and given him back his soul, he hadn’t done it to ruin Darla’s plan, like she thought. He had done it out of desperation and revenge. The man had taken his master, his friends the most important thing in Spike’s life from him and Spike just wanted him to suffer as much as he had made Spike suffer.

He had even killed his first Slayer for Angelus, to get his attention and his admiration. Angelus had found them in China and Darla had decided to welcome him back in the family. But what Spike had failed to consider was that Angelus now was different, he had his soul. A killing wasn’t the right wait to get his attention, it was the fasted way to drive Angelus away from him.

He had gone after Buffy out of jealousy, because she had what he wanted: Angel’s love and attention. He hadn’t understood that back then, he genuinely thought that he was doing it to heal Dru, he thought he loved her, but it never had been about her.

He hadn’t understood why betraying Angelus and stopping him from destroying the world had been so hard. It should have been an easy decision. Spike loved earth, he loved food and Manchester United and loved the thrill that hunting humans gave him. It wasn’t fear of Angelus retaliation that had held him back at the beginning, it had been the fear of losing him.

And then when he had gotten his soul he thought he had done it for Buffy, but it couldn’t be further from the truth. Once again he had done it for Angel. Thinking that if he too got his souls back Angel would welcome him, would be willing to teach him how to live with it. But Angel hadn’t.

So he had stayed with Buffy, convincing himself that he loved her, but he didn’t. He wanted her because she was a piece of Angel. She was someone Angel loved and she was a way to be closer to him.

It had taken him centuries and far more apocalypses that he would have liked, but now he understood that he was in love with Angel and all Spike’s life had been about him.

He had given Angel everything he had, but for Angel he had always been just the weird and annoying guy that Drusilla had turned and brought in the family, nothing more and nothing less.

And the message had never been as clear as it was now.

Because after Spike had put his life on the line for him, after he had agreed to the stupidest plan in the history of human king Angel wasn’t sparing a thought for him. He was completely focused on his friends, completely ignoring him.

And this time Spike didn’t have anything more to give. So he did the only thing he could do. He turned his back to Angel and left without turning back. He turned his back to the vampire he knew he was in love with and left. He didn’t want to to be a burden for Angel anymore.


End file.
